One of the biggest challenges Highly Sensitive People (HSP) have when employed, is dealing with our boss. Besides the working atmosphere and individuals with which we connect, our boss probably plays the scariest part in the show -I mean, job 😉

I once learned that employees don’t leave companies, they leave managers. 75% of people who voluntarily leave their jobs do so because of aspects influenced by their managers (Gallup 2017). Among these very important factors for retention (and our happiness!) the main one is “Career advancement/promotional opportunities” which is driven mainly by:

“There is someone at work who encourages my development.”
“In the last six months, someone at work has talked to me about my progress.”
“My supervisor, or someone at work, seems to care about me as a person.”
“At work, my opinions seem to count.”

Moreover, -as a passionate Coach and ex-P&Ger agree fully- also according to Gallup: “engaged employees are far more likely to perceive that they are paid appropriately for the work they do (43%), compared to employees who are disengaged (15%).” Pay/benefits is the next most important factor affecting attrition.

The bottom-line is bosses are important to us, especially when striving for a corporate career. They become some special challenge when we are a Highly Sensitive Person and they are not. Or worse, they are insensitive or play as one.

Factors that may tense the job for the HSP commanded by and non-HSP:
• The boss will seem to have never ending energy to keep on going on XXL meetings: morning meetings, that turn into working lunches, leaving no “down time” to recover. This is worsened on business trips!
• The working environment and the lack of support to enable comfort (sometimes basic ergonomics). Loud noises, bright lights, hard seats, and many other “details” affect many HSPs.
• Micromanagement! Close control may bring out the worst on someone who by nature is Highly Responsible and will not rest (but should!) until a task is completed, in both the quality and time agreed.
• Bullying or the disguised kind in innocent jokes (Check out my post on this!).
• If the boss is a “just do it” type, it may be very frustrating to detail-oriented HSPs. Even if I do not relate to this one characteristic, I have experienced how uncomfortable this is.

I remember visiting the company’s Latin America headquarters and finding out my boss at the time sat looking directly towards his subordinates’ screens. I was shocked!! And thanked God I was a remote report. I would have been freaked out and could never have survived such ridiculous seating chart!

So, How to cope? Can’t say it’s easy. It takes a lot of practice and probably a LOT of after office personal work (catharsis, therapy, etc.). Because unfortunately, and I have learned this the hard way, current boss IS the company for you at the moment of reporting to them. They are enablers or show stoppers. You first need to decide whether you will want to invest on making it work out. Make it a conscious decision.

• Show them the perks of your trait:

» You are a great “radar” for picking up the team’s moods and underlying motives to given behaviors,
» An expert on details, can really work out a “why-why-why” analysis with the sufficient time and priority (meaning you dedicate solely to that until finished), or can work out that process or manual better than anyone else,
» You may be able to forecast trends and make assumptions without having all required information thanks to your intuition ,
» Although seemingly high-maintenance due to the intense emotions, you are probably amongst the most independent yet responsible workers,
» You are a wonderful host, and this comes in very handy on top management visits, you will know what each one likes to drink, eat, and do, and will plan the perfect agenda,
» Always will have snacks and beverage available! As being hungry makes you angry (hangry!) then this is something that will never escape you, EVERY boss has a weak spot where to spoil them with… I had the coffee-maniac type, the “empanadas” obsessed, and the candies lover. And NEVER failed to provide them with those on a presentation or 1:1.
» You get them. Probably will become their confidents or counter-mentors if the relationship evolves, because it is simply irresistible for you to sense when something is not ok.

• Practice your key messages for every meeting, especially if it’s a performance review and know you will be given the chance to say something. Why practice? Well, if you are like me, then you probably cry a lot, I can’t help it. And when dealing with the cold type boss, this endangers your message from being delivered, or being delivered with the assertiveness you need. When emotion takes over, just LABEL IT! It works wonders: “This is catharsis”. They will not take it personally and you can express yourself.
• Shut Up the Perfectionist in your head when receiving feedback. This I encourage you for life. I am still working on this one… Whatever the other person says, it is ultimately what YOU say to yourself that will affect your emotions. In the corporate life (better to learn this earlier than later) THERE WILL ALWAYS BE AN OPPORTUNITY AREA. Always. Something to better, to correct, to polish, to be able to “shine”, to excel, to “grow”, whatever the manager will call it. It DOES NOT determine your worth. It is just how this game is played.
• With time, your results and work well done will show that your retreating to quiet spaces is just your secret weapon and not you acting spoiled.
• Is you really want to be known by your boss, give them a chance? And as an HSP this means 1 on 1 interactions. Group conversations will never serve that purpose.
• Talk about your work and not about your sensitivity. You know how it’s not cool to say you are cool. Same with this. Sensitivity is a trait, not a disorder. Better to focus on the extra value you can bring. Then negotiate the flexible work arrangement tied to your results. Always a good idea to do weekly PR of your achievements, especially if you are the extra quiet type!