I’ve always loved stories. Books, actually. The smell, the roughness or softness of pages. Immersing myself in fantastic, magical narratives that allowed me to pretend for a bit I was as adventurous as many of the characters involved. ⁠
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I have navigated diverse bibliography throughout the years. When Coaching appeared in my life, a whole new world of literacy opened up! One that taught me that 𝗧𝗛𝗘 𝗠𝗢𝗦𝗧 𝗜𝗠𝗣𝗢𝗥𝗧𝗔𝗡𝗧 𝗦𝗧𝗢𝗥𝗬, 𝗜𝗦 𝗧𝗛𝗘 𝗢𝗡𝗘 𝗪𝗘 𝗧𝗘𝗟𝗟 𝗢𝗨𝗥𝗦𝗘𝗟𝗩𝗘𝗦 … or the one we were told about ourselves by our caretakers when young. ⁠ I’ve always loved stories. Books, actually. The smell, the roughness/softness of the pages. Immersing myself in fantastic, magical narratives that allowed me to pretend for a bit I was as adventurous as many of the characters involved. ⁠
⁠Storytelling

I BELIEVE IN THE POWER OF STORYTELLING. In #designhtinking we use this a LOT. And in parenting, more so! Because we -humans- crave stories. It’s the easiest way to communicate and be memorable. ⁠
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Because stories are SO powerful, I put a lot of emphasis on the narratives of our lives. Language creates reality, and when we believe, will mould our actions and reactions.⁠

Jules, The “Rescuer”

To illustrate I want to share one story of one of my clients, who I will call Jules. She is an independent young woman, who has not long ago (~3y) left her parents house to move across the country to pursue a job. Immigrant background, the oldest of three siblings, both who have -for different reasons- special needs. She grew up being (or trying to be) perfect. Bringing no problems home, and being actually in charge of the home dynamics, since both parents were outside all day. She actually voiced it as “I feel like a parent”.. and she sounded like one when mentioning her brother and sister! So worried about them, putting their every need above hers. This was aggravated when living back with them for the holidays, which extended to a few more weeks, allegedly due to fear of contracting Covid on the way home. The truth, her truth, was she felt she couldn’t leave. After all, she was “the rescuer” (her words). What would they do without her? 

Her main goal in the coaching journey was to learn to take (better) care of herself. And what she was telling herself, was blocking the way towards achieving that purpose. You might argue habits, workaholism, etc., and many may be true and probably contributing to the situation. However, she was tired of the trial & error approach which had not resulted in sustainable results.

Limiting Beliefs

Coaching can help identify LIMITING BELIEFS, as the necessary step to make a change. That is, if you choose to. It is not limiting anything unless you want to progress from Point A to a future Point B. Points being places, relationships, emotional states, you name it. Does this belief support your journey?⁠

 

Shifting the Narrative

Jules was able to see that SHE was putting herself in a role (and the responsibilities attached to it). Not her family. And even if they were expecting her to be their “rescuer”, she had a choice. We agreed she was ready to face this story she had heard in her head for so many years and shift the narrative. So, what we did, was first go over the rationale, as her primary way of processing was through reason. Was it true that her siblings could not live without her? How were they able to “survive” the three years she had been gone? How come she goes back for a few weeks and she feels they are at the edge of the abyss? Was it about them? Also, inevitably, the heart gets involved. Jules had learned to feel valued through her assistance. So, if she wasn’t fulfilling that role, how would they love her? Her self-worth was depending on these dynamics, or so she felt.

How it Turned Out For Jules

The following time we met she shared something had clicked with her, and that she had shifted her narrative: from rescuer and parent to … sister. One that can set boundaries to be healthy. For example, she confessed she couldn’t sleep nor work well there because of constant interruption and noise. Never before had she considered requesting a change to habits in the household behind HER needs. So, she did. And it actually worked out! Nevertheless, next time she visited; she would definitely rent something close 😉