Most of us have at some time discussed or explored what is most important to us, determining how we want to live our lives. Maybe back in school or college, or even at some leadership workshop. We crafted our #corevalues and probably felt great after doing so. At least I remember feeling a better person just for doing so, more in peace.
Nevertheless, not once, when this exercise has come up in #coaching journeys, has the coachee been INITIALLY mind-blown by it. Mainly because of the top #learningbarriers was activated: “Already did this”. Been there, done that.
That said, I want to focus not so much on identifying your values, which is awesome, and Step 1, but on actually using them. To walk the talk, accomplish new goals in life and work, and sleep better, knowing we are living more and more in integrity with our values. And what is probably more important, to best use our time and energy!
Identify Your Values
I like doing this through different techniques, depending on the style of the person.
The more rational people will usually prefer to think about them. So, we might think of what a value means to them and then simply do some brainstorming. Or we might think of someone we admire and reflect on the qualities that we most appreciate.
I am a feeler. Even if I overthink (which most Highly Sensitive People do), I first feel. My gut tells me more than any rationale. Also, I am inclined to meditation. That is how I remember identifying mine the first time. At least that time when it made an impact on me. So, I will offer this to coachees if it may be a preferred methodology. It consists in centring oneself, and being guided through visualisation, to allow images and other sensations to emerge when we seek to connect with the characteristics we want to manifest more in our lives.
Study Your Values. Get to Know Them. And repeat.
Honesty is not the same as transparency. Trust does not mean the same thing to everyone. Togetherness may not be the exact same thing as connection. Family may mean mothering to someone, and it may mean financial security for another. Words may be defined by the dictionary, but they do not evoke the same sensations in every human being. Culture, upbringing, personality traits, and many more aspects impact our mental models and interpretations of the world.
I like spending some time digesting the values, giving space and time for discussion, debate. And, most importantly, prioritization. Which value comes first? When things get ugly, what will you protect first? For example, if asked a direct question, will you honor transparency or connection? Not always can both happen at the same time. Some things we say, will not be taken well, and that might be shaking the relationship dynamics, right?
Can values change? I believe they evolve. So, whatever we wrote down 10/20 years ago, I like to redo.
Apply Your Values
What are values if they are left to be read and not used to actually impact our behavior, decisions and goals?
To what extent are we living our values?
This exercise is the “aha” moment of most coaching engagements.
The proposal is to list values and think of ways we honor them at work and in life in general. Having a discussion about it helps. Better with a coach whose agenda will be solely your wellbeing. The latter is key. When we talk about these things with friends, co-workers, and significant others, we help build empathy and connection, but we need to be prepared for unsolicited feedback and for their own agendas to come up. No judgement passed on this, as we all go through it.
Let me know if you want more info on this!!
When closing coaching engagements, we usually reflect on the journey. Living our values in action is probably one of the most repeated key takeaways of every process. This is how I decided it was something I would deliberately work with from then on!
