Controversial topic. Bullying. Yet, so alive, interweaved within corporate culture. Most of the times disguised as innocent joking. In a place where emotional intelligence is often understood as not taking things personally and not letting our emotions be seen, while delivering results under great amounts of pressure, high sensitivity only makes the job harder to perform. Tough one.

To make things worse, where I live, uncovering someone else’s behavior is severely judged. We used to laugh at the “alert line” the company had and would not dare use it. This was aggravated by considering irony and sarcasm to be the norm. Still is, only now Millennials answer back somewhat exposing the mechanism.

It seldom happens we minimize stuff because naming it “bullying” sounds too dramatic. The constant harassing and commenting and joking around is part of any office atmosphere, kind of away of venting all the solemnity of the task. But there is a blurred, very thin line, we cross and may offend someone. I know I am being serious about this. It’s the whole point, to call out this behavior that many may withstand but 15-20%of people may suffer above norm.

I remember one of my first trickiest situations was back when I was just hired as a full-time employee >>> As a typical Highly Sensitive Person(HSP) at work, I preferred the quiet early hours to be able to organize and concentrate. Also, this meant I felt I could leave on time in the afternoon to spend time with, well, me ha-ha… (introvert!) whether it was going to the gym or just lying in the couch and reading >>> WHAT DO YOU THINK HAPPENED?I reported to someone that arrived exactly +2hs after me and belonged to a team that also did not start working as early as my 8ish am preference. I don’t blame them: they simply did not see me, or knew what I had been up to before their arrival… So, when 6pm came, few were the days when I could leave without having to put up with what I now call bullying: rude remarks, commenting on how“early” I left, or whether I was hired “part-time”. They probably don’t even remember! While it deeply affected me. I once or twice got the nerve to face my boss and explain I felt I had the “right” to call it a day. Worthless.Just deepened my “too emotional” image. I was young and cared too much! Today I would just smile and LEAVE!! 🙂

Being highly sensitive and taking things personally go hand in hand. We process deeply. Self-consciousness is part of the deal. But all of these should not be a story we tell ourselves asHSPs to explain, and whine about it, without other choice than quitting or putting up with bullying. THERE IS A LOT WE CAN DO…

1. If you’ve read some of my other posts, then you will know that I will start by proposing 1^st working on YOURSELF. There is SO MUCH to achieve by focusing on our true area of control. Ultimately what we think and say to ourselves affects how we feel. Our emotions are a result of thoughts. And our actions are a result of our e-motions. So, whatever may be happening, what we end up accepting in our heart & minds as the truth will be what affects us, giving up or taking our power away.

• Once step 1 is completed, we are ready to RE-evaluate whether the circumstances are still affecting us in some way. Bullying may not only harm our self-esteem and shame us, it may actually affect performance, and that’s’ definitely a limit we should draw at work. Imagine a team where you’ve been marked as ‘too anxious’…then it will probably be hard for you to be chosen to execute certain roles on behalf of the group, leaving little space for development, or losing opportunities to shine.

• Once we have assessed what is still a problem, then it’s time to TALK! I’m afraid this is unavoidable if we choose not to answer to bullying by escaping. Language creates reality my friends. Speaking up is HARD. And completely worth it. Checkout the guide to prepare! At this stage I encourage you to communicate your discomfort directly to the offender… as long as we are talking about verbal abuse in an office environment, of course. Give them a chance to empathize. And let go of what they will think about your request or whether they will comment it later on. Your peace is more important.

• Report it. I never reached this step to be honest. I was about to once as a senior manager, fed up with someone with more hierarchy abusing of hallway sarcasm and feeling like #%&^! after every encounter. But eventually chose to respond with rock face and the coldest stare, versus faking amusement. That was enough (for me) to make a statement (“I am not OK with this”) and carry on. I was during my last years and I could not care less. Started to feel sorry for this person in the end. But please, oh my, report it. Do it.

• When it is too much to tolerate, or the way of holding meetings and writing e-mails gets you off balance every-single-time, I suggest a change of place. No need to prove your skin is thick to undergo what you may feel as mistreat and will sooner or later affect your performance, hence, career. Einstein once said “Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing it is stupid.” >>> So if sensibility is simply misapprehended then go where it is valued. There are corporate habitats (or functions within, or teams within!) that will not be as hard on you, believe me.

This is what I call being emotionally intelligent: calling things by its true name, acknowledging what they make us FEEL, being able to TALK about them with whom it may concern and with whom it may catalyze evolutionary change (vs. gossip & venting), and when its time, letting go. That’s real emotional mastery!