Many, many years, and what is more surprising, many exams, deadlines, projects, meetings and issue papers went by before I found out my high sensitivity is not a flaw, but a trait. Was not to be judged, but to be respected. To be seen up close, make friends with, make my own, and from there on, re-design myself. It was exactly 3 years ago (feels like a lifetime away though!) that Dr. Margaret Paul suggested I inquired about who I was as a small child to my mother, as part of the “30 days How To Love Yourself” Inner Bonding experience I was trying online. I am quite histrionic, love being on stage (at the cost of a pounding heart), and outspoken when needed. So it came as a surprise to hear my mother say how SHY I was as a child! How I would not go anywhere or do anything if it wasn’t for my bold & confident bigger sister. I had completely shut those memories out. I do remember having a HUGE & very rich inner world, even for someone my age and being pretty nervous when in groups, but somehow the social interactions were forgotten. Did you know being shy is actually something learned? And that not all HSPs are introverts (needing to be alone to re-charge)? Anyways, Dr Margaret Paul had suspected I probably was an HSP, and so encouraged me to find out about it. And so I did, read all Aron’s books I could grasp, and many many studies. Although at a soul level I knew this was IT, the key to understanding myself, I needed information to tame my rational brain, already too stimulated by my engineering career and corporate job.

“Sensory Processing Sensitivity (SPS, HSP, or Highly Sensitive Person) is not a condition, a disorder, or a diagnosis. It is a neutral trait that evolved in 20% of the human population and many non-human species as well, because it is a survival advantage in some situations and not in others. Their survival strategy is to process information (stimuli) more thoroughly than others do, for which there is considerable evidence. This can certainly lead to overstimulation and possibly efforts to protect one’s self against that. However, SPS is not a disorder, but a reasonable strategy.

Further, HSPs process stimuli in a highly organized, big picture way, which includes awareness of nuances and subtleties that others might not notice. Again, at times, HSPs can become extremely overstimulated by the sheer amount of information they may be asked to process. Non-HSPs in our society, who make up about 80% of the general population, do not experience the same level of overstimulation that causes distress to HSPs, and therefore we might say that the amount of stimulation in the environment is set up for the other 80%, not for HSPs.” – Dr. Elaine Aron

Even if finding out I was part of a ~20% with this trait had a huge impact at a personal level, it was at work where it hit me harder. It was one of those A-HA! moments, when everything falls into place, and you suddenly love yourself, and stop judging. I was lucky to be brought up by loving parents. I had a pretty happy childhood with not so many life changing events. The acting lessons helped me develop my outgoing side. Then, my extremely academically demanding parents and the need to be economically independent ASAP, ended up with me enrolled in probably the most prestigious engineering University in Argentina (ITBA) and a marketing career at Procter & Gamble. I paid for all of this with hard work, high stress and physical breakdowns. I was in constant internal conflict. Although I made very good friends, I always felt as if I did not belong to those environments, which demanded I shut out my sensitivity completely in order to advance in my career. The open spaces policies (basically no privacy, whatsoever), long uninterrupted meetings, many no-windows auditoriums, need to be available to e-mail plus chat plus phone plus people dropping by your desk,  did not quite agree with my well being, … my way of being.

Then why did I insist on graduating, on working under those rules? Well, first of all, I always thought I WAS THE PROBLEM. Not to mention the perks that came in combo. Graduating was my greatest intellectual achievement (ever) and way of showing I was “able”, even though I sensed I did not fit completely. Working in a multi-national company was exciting! It included many benefits, plus meeting  a young gang in my very early 20s, -many of whom are now dearest friends (met my husband there as well!). I guess I’m an apprentice at heart, and these experiences gave me the opportunity to learn, and be creative. I felt I expanded intellectually, as well as my people skills.

BUT. Yes, there is definitely a but. For me, it was always a drag to be pointed out as taking things too personal, being too emotional, or getting on edge under pressure.  Yet, getting things done extremely fast and in infinite detail. I was a high achiever, but too emotional, too intense for the human being that is not easily overwhelmed by high levels of stimulation, sudden changes, and the emotional distress they pick up from others. I can’t help it. It comes with being the cautious, the one that thinks about EVERYTHING, every variable in any (business) analysis, who will consider every team member feelings and talents, and will be always willing to help make it a great place to work. It was never enough. I was always privately and ultimately unhappy, feeling -as we say in Argentina-: “Sapo de otro pozo” (a fish out of the water)!

I know I was blessed to have walked the path I chose, because it all eventually connected, and took me along a self-discovery way that I will forever thank. It took me here: a highly sensitive woman who is ready to help other people with this natural trait excel at their job, and take their businesses to the next level or actually launch them! I have learned maaany tools that have helped me stay tuned in with my calling and my passions, that have ultimately kept me enjoying the challenges my job brought up, while fostering my true self and talents. Now its your turn!