I am one of those people that have mental conversations all the time. I am so brave in my head, so witty and assertive. So far from what I ACTUALLY was able to deliver in real life conversations a few years ago! I still go over & over dialogues and expect to have been much more precise, or smart, especially emotionally speaking… However, I can say I feel much more prepared now. Not perfect, but well, perfection for a Highly Sensitive is practically unattainable (does this resonate??). The turning point was back in 2008 during my two-years-coaching-certification. Back then, teachers made sure we learned to listen, talk, ask, and keep promises. It’s called something like the “Promise circle”: You have a need, which is unsatisfied by your own means, then you ask for help, you may negotiate, the other party agrees (makes a promise) and then it’s delivered. Or you may offer to help (YOU make a promise), and then the same circuit follows through. The need you have is sometimes something you hold very dear, it’s a HUGE matter for you. No matter how dreadful it may be. No matter how much we believe to have at stake. There is ALWAYS more to lose when not facing sleep-depriving-issues in life. I stand by this. After all, for example, if you do not have that talk about that nagging issue with your partner, you may keep the relationship…but is this the relationship you really want? There are no guarantees. There sure are more chances of being happier and fulfilled if we TRY. In this case, if we SPEAK UP.
One dear friend taught me to look at the monsters in the face. They will probably be less frightening once you do!
Let me share a few examples of the kind of difficult conversations I have put off in my life: ending a relationship or asking for major changes in one, talking about wanting to be promoted at my job, sharing my pregnancy news with my stepson, talking about money-handling-styles with my husband. The list is long, these are just a array of situations you may feel acquainted with. Things that we probably blab about a lot, but not with the right person. We can talk endlessly and complain and be victims. Or we can do something about it: TALK. Not vent, talk. There is a major difference. That’s when preparing for a (difficult) conversation kicks in! It may sound way too nerd-ish, I know. Believe me, invest time in preparing and it will work wonders, not necessarily outcome wise, but with yourself for sure.
As Highly Sensitive people, we tend to worry excessively, to think through every single detail and a above-norm preference to avoid stressful situations. So we become experts in ruminating on about anything, especially these sleep-depriving unspoken issues in our personal & business lives! And this affects our well being. Check out my free guide on how to prepare for those dreaded moments, and multiply your chances of working things out!
